By AsamLaksa, made-up journalist
13 July 2011, Kuala Lumpur. Today the Home Minister announced that Malaysians have decided on a ruling to ban the usage of the Malay word ‘bersih’ and remove it from history. The minister adds, “It is now a bad word, something that you should not say in front of your parents. It will not be ‘ber...apanama’ but ‘bers**t’.”
‘Bersih’ meaning ‘clean’ will be replaced with ‘kotor’ as soon as the legislation is gazetted. ‘Kotor’ is currently in use meaning dirty.
“The people in the government will start using ‘kotor’ today before the whole of Malaysia. So from now on, I say I am sangat kotor, the PM is kotor, (and) the government is kotor. This law will also be retro(spective) and we will work with Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka to change all old Malay books and writings. So past slogans will be Kotor, Cekap, Amanah. Very easy.”
As to the reason for this move, the honourable minister said, “We have reason for this.”
What about material bearing the word? “We will check all books. We give time for people to hand in books. Customs will seize all foreign books with the word and fine the importer.”
What if someone uses ‘bersih’? “The law will punish those that use it. We plan maybe RM20,000 fine with 1 year jail.”
When pointed out that this would disqualify people from running for parliament the reply was, “That’s why we have laws. We must obey the law. We will also ask religious leaders to make religious ruling to make this word haram and a sin. The cabinet suggest that you go to hell for saying this word.”
Won’t this confuse the public? “I not confused. Are you confused?”
When asked if this applies to East Malaysia the minister replied, “Of course. Then we have no problem like that banner in Kota Kinabalu.”
On the fate of the colour yellow: “Yellow colour is not a problem.”
Asked about recent arrest related t yellow items, the reply was, “Why you reporters ask about yellow? You got problem with yellow? Don’t cari pasal make us look bad. Ban a word is easy, ban colour is crazy. All the arrest because the yellow used connected to bad word and foreign campur tangan.”
As to how much this exercise will cost, “Don’t worry about cost. We estimate RM150 million and we have appointed local company to do this. A site has already (been) identified for new incinerator.”
The minister closed with: “I am kotor. The government is kotor and takes care of all Malaysians.”
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